4 steps to making your relationship a love generating machine (not what you'd expect)

I don’t know about you, but with the constant noise of content, opinions, and “expert” advice flying around, it’s easy to feel totally overwhelmed. Every day brings a barrage of things to focus on, people to listen to, and choices to make—and when it comes to relationships, that can get especially confusing. Thats why relationship coaching in Monmouth UK is well worth an investment.

At DGL, we believe real love isn’t built on fairy dust or magical thinking. There’s a process. And it starts with you. Change always begins from the inside out. You can’t expect transformation in your relationship if you’re not willing to grow first.

Here’s a quick guide to help you reset and refocus. These are core principles we live by, and if you lean into them, they can shift your relationship in powerful ways:

1. Examine Your Beliefs About Relationships

Let’s get real—your past shapes your perspective.

• Did you grow up in a home where love meant arguments or silence?

• Did your parents claim to be happy, but behind closed doors it was a different story?

• Do you believe relationships are beautiful but exhausting? Or that eventually, all of them break down?

Take a moment to ask yourself: What do I really believe about relationships?

Some of us view them as a space to grow together. Others might see them as draining, or something we’re “meant” to suffer through. And maybe you’re in a phase where you do love your partner deeply—but you still notice old beliefs creeping in.

Awareness is the first step. If you don’t understand the narrative you’re living by, you’ll keep repeating it—consciously or not.

2. Get Clear on What You Actually Bring to the Table

Here’s the thing: love languages are real—but it’s bigger than just “words of affirmation” or “acts of service.” You’ve got to understand not just what you give, but how it’s received.

Are you:

• The affectionate one, always checking in on emotional needs?

• The financially driven one, who finds comfort in stability and feels unappreciated when that’s not shared?

• The ambitious one, focused on career or business, who struggles when your partner wants to talk about “little things” like groceries or plans?

There’s no right or wrong here. What matters is alignment. You don’t have to match perfectly, but you do need to understand each other’s values and needs. That’s how you stop speaking two different emotional languages. How do you work together, to get the best of out of your relationship?

3. Stay Open to Feedback—Even When It’s Hard

This one’s personal for me (Ben). My rule? Stay open. Always. Especially to the people closest to me—my partner, Kerry, and our kids.

They see all of me—the good, the messy, the bits I can’t see myself. So who better to give me honest feedback?

Even when I don’t like what I hear, I try to stay curious. Because their perspective, whether I agree with it or not, is valid. And when I really listen, I stay connected to them. When I shut them down? Distance grows.

Letting your partner give feedback—without defensiveness—builds trust, closeness, and growth. Yes, it takes getting used to. But it’s absolutely worth it.

4. Make Your Relationship a Daily Priority—Not a Someday Goal

We’ve created a tool called the Relationship Recovery Roadmap (RRR)—it’s a result of 13 years of deep work with couples navigating breakdowns and breakthroughs.

The RRR includes all the key components of a thriving relationship: what needs to be let go of, what needs forgiveness, and what must be intentionally built in.

But you don’t need a full roadmap to start. Just pick one or two changes you’re willing to make this week. Communicate them to your partner. Ask them to hold you accountable—because you will, at some point, try to back out. We all do.

Consistency beats intensity. Little, conscious actions every day build lasting love.

Whatever stage you’re in—early love, post-fight recovery, or long-term partnership—these four steps can move the needle. You don’t have to figure everything out overnight. You just need to start.

Have an awesome week, and remember: the best relationships are built, not found.