8 Things Men Can Do To Curb Their Suffering

There seems to be an unexplainable apocalypse, story after story of married men emotionally day by day drifting further and further away from their partners and children.

Men are increasingly feeling isolated, alone, ‘under the pump’ in their relentless pursuit of having ‘enough money’, ‘more time’. Time and time again saying: "I’ll just get this done and then I’ll be with you" even though the things that need to get done can almost always wait. Rather than prioritising family time men have instead been feeding an internal monster called Mr Moore and every man seems to know him.

You only have to open any social media app and you will find men who are massive influencers, selling you what you should know by now and how you can buy it from them; their jets and success stories, what you should be investing in by now - Gold, stocks, forex, property. You should have your own home, your own food, your own energy, you should also care deeply about the planet, war, politics, world affairs, the economy, house prices, who Floyd Mayweather Mar or may not fight… The list is literally endless and it all combines to create a build up of energy that screams at us "HURRY, WHY HAVEN’T YOU DONE THAT YET ASSHOLE, YOU'RE NOWHERE NEAR ENOUGH, YOU NEED MORE MONEY, ANOTHER HOLIDAY, YOU’RE TIRED BUT DONT YOU DARE STOP."

Men are being pulled in multiple directions spending almost all of their time in their heads with their thoughts. Emotions taking a back seat. And the last thing on their minds is “I need help” or “I need more time with other healthy men”. Because everywhere they look most of the men they see are stuck in the same trap and spinning the same plates. The only question they're asking is "are they doing or worse or better than me?"

Our wives seem to be very tuned into our need to find this kind of community and the right kind of men for us to be around. Kerry literally kicks me out of the home into nature and has to push me to go and do MORE of what works because she benefits. But why can’t we see it?

Instead we allow our wives to watch us deteriorate and then we get upset at them when they tell us we need to do something about it because apparently grumpy, empty and miserable men don’t exude the kind of sex appeal that are wives are looking for - go figure.

So often as a response to this I hear a serious helping of blame and a retaliation “Yes but she doesn’t…” or “Yes but it doesn’t matter what I do she isn’t…”

We can’t see it because:

Huge answer - a part answer is role modelling. Men raised by men in 70’s, 80’s and 90’s saw examples of men gifting themselves time in the pub or watching sport or participating in sport or indulging in endless TV - often ending that time with sinking lots of beer, getting pretty hammered and then going home for everyone else to pick up the pieces.

Men have almost never seen an example of a Dad actively seeking out the right kind of support, the right emotional and spiritual nourishment so that their time away would bless everyone in the home: their wives and children.

We lie to ourselves that how we think or how we feel doesn’t matter because you have never been told that it does. We just try more of what we already know doesn’t work, more money, bigger house, new car, new bike, more porn… perhaps we need a new wife...

We have to do better. But what can we do?

1 - Admit you are part of a hidden secret pandemic affecting all men

2 - Join a men’s group

3 - Start a men’s group

4 - Connect with men at your local church or in your local community

5 - Look online, there are some amazing men’s organisations that organise free and weekly calls to support men… for free

6 - Educate yourself, millions of men have already overcome your problem, you are not the first person in the world to have this issue.

7 - pay for some professional support, someone who can actually hear you is worth their weight in gold; so part with your gold

8 - Ask your wife to help you find some support they are often very clear about what would be good for you

Just do something to start to take ownership of where you are at, rather than hoping/expecting someone else to do it for you.

Men, forget what you've been taught and what you think you know. Open yourselves up to the truth of where you are. And remember that your worth is not attached to how much you can get done - or achieve. Work on yourself, start straight away and seek other men doing the same; they are out there and they are paving the way, preparing the path for your own journey to a more connected and meaningful life.