Victimhood - the real pandemic (Proven by current Russel brand situation)

We absolutely devour and intoxicate ourselves on stories of injustice and wrong-doing. We are in love with it, we thrive on it, we roll around in like a dog that rolls around in its own or some foxes poop.

It seems to strike a chord inside everyone of us, it actually feels like it unites people; we can gather together like mobsters joined by a common cause and actively oppose the 'bad' guys. And there is absolutely a place for this, 'bad guys' do need to be opposed, but what our rallying against injustice can often do is blind us to - and completely overlook - the truth.

We believe: as long as I project my inner violence out there, it's always going to be 'them out there' that are guilty. We can't seem to help ourselves from this experience.

I don't claim to know the details of Russell Brands personal life, I don't know the exact truth around what he has been accused of, but I do know that he has been very open and honest and clear and admitted to the darkness that he (and many of us are and have been) accustomed to at that time. I myself was a promiscuous male and I was constantly lusting after the next sexual experience with the next consenting female. I understood that the experience, however physically fulfilling, was emotionally and spiritually empty. It was this borderline addiction that ensured I went deeper and deeper into a sense that 'more' would eventually become 'happy'. But it never did, I was lost in the abyss of confusion whilst still driven by this red hot desire for more women. We need to understand this further in men, what are men really missing or wanting, what deep insecurity are they filling by trying to get what they need from 'out there'.

Victimhood is very different to being a genuine victim. Even when I am a genuine victim I still have a choice in how I respond to the events that have happened to me: I can let them go, move on, or investigate what justice might look like and how prepared am I to fight for justice whilst still attempting to remain happy and at peace. Genuine victims have allowed that experience to shape them and although they might not have chosen that event, they have seen an opportunity to turn it into something good and positively impactful in their lives, just look at Viktor Frankl (Mans search for meaning) or Edith Eger (The choice) - both holocaust and Auschwitz survivors.

Victimhood however is something very different, I use the events that have occurred or happened to me as a powerful and manipulative way to guarantee that people do what I want them to do. I force people to respect me, reimburse me, be kind to me. I force you stop hurting me, control what you and many others do and I completely avoid taking any responsibility for my part in the situation. 

When people act like victims their performance appeals to that very nature of ours to instinctively defend the victim from the perpetrator and that instinctive nature is what stops us from really seeing the truth, without having all of the genuine facts.

So when you're making decisions about who is to blame or reading the media or watching dispatches - just ask yourself, "Is the person telling this story taking any responsibility for their side in the situation?" this will help you determine the difference between pretend and genuine victim.

Victimhood is not just rife in the media, it's rife in our marriages, our children, businesses and leadership teams, it's rife inside of you. Without clear and consistent teaching around choice, responsibility, accountability and owning our mistakes, people continue to go from bad situation to bad situation. This can all be easily avoided, but people have to be taught how to do things in more effective and constructive ways. They need to learn how to create safe environments for themselves and others to make sure that transparency and honesty are the key themes in their hearts and their organisations. Only then can the business or family unit really thrive and create and sustain genuinely healthy, happy and hard working people.

What's the solution? For me its always starts with the man in the mirror. Until you clean up your own victimhood, it's difficult to help others. Yet inroads can still be made and whilst you help your family and your leadership teams, you can help yourself in the process if you stay open, honest and ask for feedback almost daily from the people around you to gather a clear picture of 'what is' vs 'what you think it is'.